The other day I was out walking, upset about a minor offense that felt really really big. Almost immediately I felt Jesus by my side.
Jesus showing up is not a regular occurrence for me. Despite being raised Catholic, Jesus has never been one of my “go-to” guys.
The first thing He did was challenge me on my thinking about the situation, which really pissed me off. Then He showed me how I had been running the same script on similar situations almost my whole life.
Let me remind you that the grief of my dad’s passing is still pretty fresh and the situation I was upset about I legit had a reason to be upset. Maybe not as upset as I was… but if I told you what happened you’d be like “ Girl … that is just plain WRONG!!”
So the fact that Jesus didn’t give me any sympathy frothed me into a rage pretty quick. I started cursing at Him. Yes …CURSING!
At the same time, I also confided in Him that I was pretty sure that my anger and cursing would cause him to leave me. Possibly for good.
He didn’t leave and eventually, after a 45-minute walk, I found peace in what Jesus was trying to do for me. Which was release me from a lifetime dysfunctional thought pattern. He even sent me a very clear sign that I was going to be ok.*
Since then I’ve been pondering why I never felt closer to Jesus. It certainly hasn’t been because I didn’t feel His love for me. I always have, even as a little girl. But it’s been a distant love. Something that comes “from above.”
I have a close personal relationship with “God the father.” I yell and scream at that guy when I’m upset without fear that He will leave me. I thank Him and love him every day for this life.
I’ve developed a relationship with the Divine Mother as an adult (the God-Feminine was never really taught to me as a Catholic child so I had to work on it.). She, as well, is present in all her forms with me.
But Jesus…. well He is another story.
In fact, that day while we were walking and talking I even said to Him “Well if this thought process isn’t healthy for me why weren’t you there when I was little to keep me from developing it this way. Why are you showing up NOW when it is so hard to change. Where were you when I was 7 & 8 & 9?!!!”
And He said… “I was always there. You just pushed me away.”
Naturally, as we were walking and I was knee deep in anger and resentment I rejected this whole-heartedly. Why would I push Jesus away? But since then I’ve been able to see how true that was. I was taught that Jesus died on the cross for me and somewhere along the way my little self decided that had to be enough.
The voice in my head went something like “Patty, He died on the cross – what more do you want? Do not bother this man unless it is really, really important.”
Oh, how wrong I was.
I think many of us push the Divine away because of the things we learned as children. But that is not what the Divine wants for us.
Today is Easter. A celebration of rebirth and life renewed.
It is also Passover. A celebration of rebirth and life renewed.
Most religions, as they developed, chose Spring to mark their celebrations of rebirth and renewal because nature shows us what the Divine most wants us to know.
Rebirth and renewal are possible for each of us.
But as we also know, birth is a pretty messy process and it is a lot easier with support.
It is my hope you already feel that support from the Divine. I have no opinion on whether Jesus is a part of your Divine equation. What I do want you to know is that if you need a little help on the path…Jesus is there for you. He does not care what your religion is. Or what you thought of Him in the past.
You can curse at Him or be mad at Him for things that are not His fault and he won’t leave you. I tested that out and I am living proof that all He will do is laugh and make a sarcastic comment then stick by your side until you feel peace.
I love you. Happy rebirth!
P.S. If you’d like to hear more about that conversation with Jesus, head over to my Facebook Group Wealth & Purpose. I did a Facebook LIVE there giving all the juicy details. You’ll need to ask to join the group before you can see the video but don’t worry, we’ll get you in there in a snap!