How’s your sex life?
Did I really just ask that?
Even if you are one of the women who have gotten to a place where you say seemingly honestly to yourself “I don’t even care about sex anymore,” I bet you do. For instance, if I told you I had a magic pill that would make you suddenly crave and be deeply satisfied by sex with your partner, would you buy it from me?
Don’t even try to lie. I know you would!
I know this because I’ve worked with countless women who never told me up front that their sex life was something they wanted to address. Yet after we work together and a client starts to learn to care for her needs (no not the sex kind, the regular old basic kind – like sleep and play) suddenly her sex life starts to see an uptick and that is when I hear about it.
Most of us have a hard time being honest when our sex life isn’t great. We’re embarrassed. And even though statistics indicate the opposite, we think we’re alone.
In her article in the Wall Street Journal on Parents’ Sex, Rachel Zimmerman reported that two thirds of couples see a decline in sexual satisfaction after they have children. Would any mom be shocked by this statistic? I think not! In fact I think it is grossly underreported.
There are many contributing factors to why the satisfaction of our sex life declines once we have children – sleep deprivation, lack of privacy, more fighting etc., etc. But time and time again there is one activity that has the biggest positive impact on my clients’ sex lives – managing the task list.
It’s simple really – create a to-do list each day that is manageable and includes items that cater to your needs and honor your priorities and when your head hits the pillow you will be more likely to want sex. And let’s face it, mom wanting more sex usually leads to mom and dad having more sex.
Why is that?
When we manage our to–do list so that we care for our own needs and are fair about what we can get done we are less likely to end the day exhausted and depleted. When we create realistic to-do lists, we are also realistic about what we can’t get done and that creates opportunities to communicate those needs calmly to our partners.
Communication + Needs Being Met – Exhaustion = More Sex
I don’t have reams of scientific research to back up that equation (although I bet I could find it!). I do, however, have a whole bunch of clients who could tell you it has been proven true in their own life.
If you are ready to heat up your sex life (or just like the part about being less exhausted), start whittling down your task list. And if you need some help or support, join us at Mom Gets A Life!
This month we’ll be talking about creating a To–Do list that serves you as part of our “Every Day is Mom’s Day” theme. Oh, and to honor next month’s theme – “Summer’s coming – time to heat up your life!” – I’ve booked three amazing sex experts. Hee Hee – can’t wait!