Holy Hannah this has been a roller coaster of a week.
We sold our minivan.
Saying good bye is hard. That minivan hosted A LOT of our collective history as a family. I’m not one to get sentimental about objects but this van is woven into the fiber of my strongest memories over the last 10 years.
We brought our daughter home from the hospital in it.
I brought my mom to all her cancer treatments in it and eventually drove my father to make her funeral arrangements in it.
I waited hundreds of hours at sports fields in it.
Hauled countless numbers of children in it.
And on and on the memories flow…
There have been so many moments when I have felt alone but Bessie (my minivan) was always there. She has been my partner-in-crime through 10 years of balancing work + motherhood.
As I hoisted myself into our new pickup truck, I looked around and thought “You are not mine.” I know eventually this tough fellow will grow on me but it will take some time. We’ve moved out of the stage of little children and sick parents and now we can be the neighbor-that-helps-haul-furniture (or whatever else people with pickup trucks do.)
Matt needed the pickup truck for work so this “trade up” wasn’t an option. Our lives are moving forward in new directions. Some of them I understand, some have yet to be revealed.
This space between “what was” and “what is to be” is always a little unnerving. It is the death-rebirth cycle.
It’s happening in my business, as well, which may be why I feel so unnerved by the sale of Bessie. She was comfortable. My old business model was comfortable. But the Divine is calling us forth into something new.
I feel the excitement of the future but at the same time, letting go of what is “known” and “safe” feels so freakin hard.
I’ll be sharing more about that when I make my big announcement on Friday at the Year End Retreat.
I know for some people putting on live events is scary and overwhelming. Live events are where I feel most safe, so that is where I will tell this new story first.
I’m so grateful for each person that registered for the retreat because I love them all so much. If you are one of those people – I’m serious – I’m so glad you are going to be in the room on Friday!!! I mentioned a few weeks ago that I was amazed by the distances people were traveling to come to this event. I concluded the Divine must have something up Her sleeve to magnetize so many from so far away.
I’m not exactly sure what She has up her sleeve but as I stand here just a few days away from this event, I know in part the Divine has sent each attendee to be a part of the unfolding of this new story.
This is the best part of the rollercoaster – the knowing that something crazy good/exciting is coming but you aren’t quite there yet! That anticipation is one of the gifts of being human. Let’s enjoy the rollercoaster together!
In love and light,
P.S. If you were thinking of attending the Year End Retreat but saw that it was sold out, we were able to add a few more tables to the room. There are three tickets left, so feel free to grab yours here.
P.P.S. If you are going through your own death/rebirth cycle yourself, know you are not alone. And if anyone makes fun of you for crying like a baby when you sell your minivan or watch a hallmark commercial or whatever your version of unmasked emotion is, send them my way. I’ll let them know that they need to be thanking you for having such a big freakin heart. We could use more oversized hearts in this world right now (IMHO) and I for one love how big you love.