The other day I was rushing here and there (even though I had committed to honoring the much slower pace I had cultivated this holiday season.) Amidst all that bustle, I suddenly realized I was running on autopilot again.
I wasn’t savoring my first morning coffee. I wasn’t taking a few moments each day to look into each of my children’s eyes and take in their specialness; I wasn’t giving myself room to breathe.
Gah! How did that happen? How had I so quickly lost track of my new, deliberately calm self?
As I searched through the weeds of my memory to when I crossed into Crazy-Lady Land, I realized I had been triggered only three days earlier by a fellow mom entrepreneur. She asked simply, “Ready to kick it into high-gear?!”
I wasn’t. I remember very specifically thinking “Nope. Not me. Not yet.” I was going to pace myself. In fact, I’d had a huge pep talk about this with myself.
Yet here I am again, “kicking it into high gear.” And “kicking it” feels really hard. I scraped back some of my B.S. to figure out why I was running with my hair on fire once again and what I discovered was just plain sad.
When my comrade asked, “Are you ready to kick it into high-gear?” what I heard is, “You are a lazy fool if you don’t kick it into high-gear! You have big plans for 2013 and you’ll never accomplish them if you don’t kick it into high-gear!”
I am not sure why the translation software in my head had gone totally bonkers.
I am working at getting to the bottom of it. Amusingly enough, my website crashed during this same three days – and I lost a month’s worth of content. Everything I had blogged about during my self-reflective period over the last few weeks was wiped out. Almost like some un-nameable force was trying to wipe out the time I made the decision to slow down.
My assistant offered to comb through pages of our website back-up to find that content, but I told her to leave it behind. There is no point in going back. Going back wastes time and energy.
Being here now is the only time and space that matters. And just as I typed this I realized why I sped up to my old frenzied pace.
I started looking ahead at all the big beautiful plans I had laid out for 2013 and got overwhelmed. I forgot that my job is to dream my dreams, do what I can to make them happen and hand the rest off to the Universe. I forgot I’m not in this alone. So I started going faster and faster to (hopefully) make them happen.
And you are not in this alone either. The Universe has your back.
If you take a few deep breaths and connect to Now, the noise will fall away and you will be left with YOU. Bright, beautiful you. This is the YOU that creates, this is the YOU that knows exactly which actions in this moment will lead you to achieving your dreams.
And in that slower, more self-loving pace, this is the YOU that hears the whispers the Universe is sending you at every moment letting you know you are doing enough, that your dreams are worthy of creation and that most definitely you are loved.