I was doing an interview with a journalist today (it still makes me giggle to say that by the way). She asked me what type of advice I would give in different challenging relationship situations (i.e., co-workers, partners, other moms). As we went through each scenario, she was a bit surprised to realize the answer is always the same.
Before you can expect a relationship to change, you first have to become very clear on what you want from that relationship. It is impossible to experience a shift in your relationship with anyone unless you first understand how you want to feel with this person.
So often we get very clear on what we no longer want to experience but fail to spend an equal or greater amount of time deciding what we do want to experience. Simply shifting our language from the negative (what we don’t want) to the positive (what we do want) can have a profound effect on the way we experience life.
What we focus on creates our reality.
“I like when my husband appreciates me” carries a very different energy than
“It makes me mad when my husband doesn’t appreciate everything I do!”
If you’d like to test this out, think about a relationship that has been challenging you. Write out what you would love to experience in this relationship. Now feel that feeling – whether it’s kindness, compassion, appreciation or love. Hold that feeling close to your heart. When you find yourself focusing on what you don’t want, go back to the list of what you do want.
Then watch the magic unfold…