It’s early and once again I find myself sitting with my coffee thinking of you. Right before I was thinking of you I was thinking of someone I love(d).
My mother-in-law, Eileen, passed away in late October. I didn’t tell you at the time. The loss hit me in a way that is hard to explain. I may try to explain in future emails but for the purpose of this one you simply need to know Christmas is not the same without her here on this planet.
I know you likely have someone who isn’t here as well. If you’ve had some time to get used to that loss you’ll understand what I’m about to say probably better than if you grief is big and active.
This message is especially for you if your grief is fresh.
Here is what I want you to know – loss gives us two choices, every time.
It can make your heart grow or it can make it shrink and the really messed up thing about it is that if your heart starts to shrink, you will not feel like you had a choice but you do.
Picture your heart like a dining room table. Around it sit the people, pets and experiences you love. As those leave your life it can feel like the table is emptying. You might take a leaf or two out of the table to squish it together. Make the loss less obvious.
Or you can scootch your chair over and add another place setting for loss. Let her tell you her story. Its a story of how much you loved. Her story is beautiful and amazing.
Things you didn’t understand before may start to make sense. You will find she is uniquely qualified to help you slow down and care for yourself properly. She is very long-winded though and may pause for great lengths of time. Listening takes patience.
Sometimes loss is a bore- repeating the same thing over and over again.
BUT if you listen long enough her tale will turn and she will start to tell you how much YOU were loved. How much you still are loved.
When you look up you’ll see the one you thought was missing has returned to the table and may even have brought a friend. There will definitely be more magic.
Yesterday I was in my closet getting down presents to place under the tree. Next to the presents was a small pile of photographs I didn’t know were there and they started to fall. I caught most of them but one drifted to the ground.
I picked it up and turned it over and there were all four of my children’s grandparents gathered together smiling. My parents, my father-in-law and my mother-in-law, Eileen. They are all on the other side of the veil now. I don’t know where this picture came from but it felt positively alive.
This is the first Christmas my children will have no grandparents and that has hurt in its own way. Early yesterday I had said a prayer to them
be close and show me you are near
If you feel your heart shrinking, ask for help. It doesn’t matter if its because you are grieving the loss of a loved one or the state of the world.
The Divine loves you. Your Spirit Team has your back. And your loved ones in spirit truly are close.
P.S. To those celebrating Christmas I wish you a day filled with hope and love and magic! And to those not celebrating Christmas I wish you the exact same thing!