How do we become co-creators with the universe?
Our journey is varied and filled with opportunity. Often, we feel capable of the doing part of things and with Patty’s help, we are also becoming better at receiving as well.
What do you do when you’ve created an unspoken (or often unconscious) contract and it stops working? What do you do when you’re making progress and a roadblock shows up?
That’s what Patty breaks down in today’s episode.
Get 4 practical steps to recognize when this happens and what to do when we feel let down.
When disappointment shows up, we often feel like someone has failed to carry their part of the agreement – except they never bought into the deal. As we face this truth, you can find great freedom. You can realize where you’ve “agreed” to things that aren’t serving you. In fact, you can give them up!
Release yourself from the unspoken contract. Surrender to what is, and what’s possible without limitations or rules.
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0:00:04.3 S1: Welcome to the space for magic podcast, where people who are led by their hearts come to learn the secrets to receiving all the gifts the Universe has for us. I’m your host, Patty Lennon. I’m an ex-type a corporate banker turned intuitive coach. Using a blend of common sense, brain science, and just a dash a magic, I’m here to help you create abundance in every area of your life and business. Welcome.
0:00:36.6 S2: Hey, there welcome to this episode of the space for magic podcast. I’m your host, Patty Lennon. And today, I wanna talk about unspoken contracts, sometimes I also call them unconscious contracts, because we may not even be aware that we’re making these contracts with other people, and they can wreak havoc on our sense of justice and sanity and feeling purposeful. And these contracts, the topic of these contracts actually comes up quite often in my Mastermind when I’m running my Mastermind, and the reason is that with the Mastermind… So twice a year, I run a Mastermind called the active receiving mastermind, and only people who have gone through the receiving school can join the mastermind. So I don’t talk about it a lot. Here on the podcast it’s not open to everyone, and the goal in the mastermind is to, once you’ve gone through the receiving school and really started to understand how to stay open to receiving everything in your life, both the good and the bad, and you start to see how that shifts, there’s often a craving for becoming more active in the process of receiving meaning, if I’m in receptivity mode, I start to understand how the universe helps me how the Divine helps me, but I also wanna be part of the co-creative process.
0:02:07.5 S2: So how do I become active in that process, and as we go through the journey together in the Mastermind, what I always talk to our masterminders about is, part of the process is to set a goal and then to create a plan to go for that goal, yet, also honor the fact that there’s gonna be points of surrender, meaning you might know how to get… Let’s say we need to go from point A to point D. You might know how to go from point A to point B, you also might feel really clear on once you get to point, C how to get to point D, but getting from B2C is sort of a blank… Like, you’re just not sure how that’s gonna work out. So our journey together is really about navigating that path where we don’t know how to make everything that we want to come to fruition possible, but we know how to do some of it, and then how do we find the courage to stay in surrender on the rest of it. And what I talk about often with the masterminders is just remember in the mastermind setting, my goal for you really isn’t that you reach your goal per se, that will happen, but it’s more that you become a person who can receive that goal and that requires transformation because when we have big goals for ourselves, big dreams, big shifts, big transformations, we wanna make…
0:03:31.9 S2: What we have to understand is the person we are today isn’t yet ready to receive that, and the journey we take from where we are to manifesting that particular goal that we’re co-creating, let’s say it’s a book, or it’s a weight loss or relationship to our body or a new love, whatever it is, we need to transform in the process, and as we walk the journey together, what will happen is a roadblock shows up, maybe it’s the time that our children need from us, or our resentment that our parents weren’t X-Y and Z or more specifically, we might have an awareness that very early on in life, we were taught to limit what was possible for ourselves, and this is pretty typical, I’d say for all of us, we all pick up on these feelings that we’re limited, and so as we get into those limitations. What may happen is someone in our lives lets us down, and that’s a pretty typical experience when you’re in a point of transformation of this feeling of like, now that I’m going for my thing, this particular person isn’t supporting me, or I’m going for this, and suddenly my child needs me more than ever, or I did all these things that I committed to doing and now I’ve surrendered and it’s not working out exactly the way I wanted to in this moment, and it’s not happening yet, and underneath that, oftentimes what we excavate is what I call an unconscious contract or an unspoken contract, and so what that looks like is I am going to give up my own needs for my kids, and then my kids will be happy, my dads are really typical unconscious or unspoken contract that parents make, especially, I would say, mothers, at least in my experience.
0:05:50.9 S2: And so now here we are trying to accomplish something and our kids are not happy and we’re feeling like we gave up all of this, we put our needs aside, and what we were supposed to get out of it was to be able to observe happy children and now we’re not observing those happy children, and now it feels like I can’t move forward what I want until my child is happy, and the problem with unspoken contracts is that our unconscious contracts is that we often make them with other people without that other person’s buying and then when they are not honoring what we’ve decided is their side of the contract in this case, that our child is not just being happy, is still being a pain in the butt, we feel let down, we feel that the world is not fair. We feel that this idea that if we just put ourselves on hold, then our life could start again once X, Y, and Z happened, and suddenly X, Y, and Z isn’t happening in the time frame we expect it, and now we feel like we’re stuck. But in reality, we’re not stuck. The contract we made is what’s keeping us stuck, and we can release that contract, but we need to first identify that the contract was made and see it for essentially the lie, it is because there really never was a contract that person never agreed to what we agreed to…
0:07:27.2 S2: And in some cases, the Divine never agreed to what we agreed to, so for instance, if you’ve decided where I’ve decided that I’m gonna do… I’m gonna give this much time to a project… Let’s say a book, I’m gonna write it because I feel like I’m being called to it. And then it’s gonna be a best-seller, right? Because I feel called to it, and I know that God’s gonna grant me, the divine is gonna grant me that best seller status, and yet we don’t do anything to make it a bestseller, we don’t do the marketing, etcetera, and we feel let down because we were like we did all this work and now it’s a flop, what’s going on? And in our minds, we made that unconscious contract with the divine, but the defining necessarily agreed at that particular contract. Right, and this is something we navigate in Mastermind is when we surrender is honoring that the device will always show up for us, but how the divine shows up, we have to accept is in our highest good. And this happened for me when I start my business, and I left banking… A successful banking career, I felt called to this work that I do, and I started my business and I was going around and I was networking, and I had business cards, and I was doing all of this, but I wasn’t marketing, and I certainly wasn’t selling.
0:08:53.9 S2: And the reason was that I had, in my mind, had an unconscious contract with the Divine that I would leave this stable, successful banking career and do God’s work is the way I thought of it, and then God would take care of the sales and marketing. No, I didn’t realize I had made that contract, I wasn’t conscious of it, but that was in fact what I did, and the reality was that the divine was never gonna take the sales and marketing for me because the sales and the marketing is where we step into our true power marketing is when an entrepreneur actually must step out and say, Here’s what I do, and here’s how to work with me, it’s basically about owning what we do, and then the sales is saying, Now, here’s what I do, pay this, I’m worth this. And so these wounds around visibility and worthiness really get worked out through the process of sales and marketing, so never would the divine take that from us because that moves some of the most important work that an entrepreneur, especially a service-based entrepreneur, purpose-driven entrepreneur would do I found that this happened, you know when my mom was sick, and so I didn’t realize I was working under this unspoken contract, but essentially what I was good as I went through my mom’s cancer treatment with her, and I put so much of myself into it, I literally taking energy out of my body and sending it into my mother’s to try and heal or…
0:10:31.0 S2: I didn’t realize I was doing it, I was doing it unconsciously. But underneath the surface was, I will give you everything I have. And you will live. That was the contract I had made and I didn’t realize it. And so the morning after she had passed, I was sitting… I hadn’t slept to the day she died, that night, I did not sleep, I couldn’t sleep, I was rolling around in bed about three in the morning, I went outside and I just sat there and as the sun rose, I was truly shocked. As illogical as that sounds, I was truly shocked because I really couldn’t conceive of a world where the divine we let another day come without my mother in it because I had done my part of the contract. I had given everything I had to give. And she still died. And it felt so unfair, I felt so unjust, I was so angry. And the thing is when you lose a parent, especially a parent who’s loving and good as a parent and a human, and then they go through so much suffering that alone can feel unjust without an unconscious contract, but when you add in the contract, it just feels like…
0:12:00.6 S2: You’ve been let down in the deepest way possible, and your trust in the person that you made that contract with, maybe even in the divine and the global cable scheme of the world, you can feel that, and it is hard, and I think we’re seeing this on a global level right now, or at least we’re seeing in the States, I’m guessing it’s similar in other countries where we feel that the social contract has been violated, I’ve seen this spoken of around where certain limitations that were in place because of the pandemic or being lifted and this is happening in my gym where you’re on the honor system, so if you’re vaccinated, you don’t have to wear a mask anymore, but they’re not checking it, and I thought that’s so funny because even during the time where there were the requirements to wear a mask, there are people wearing it down off their mouth and nose, and the only time they put it up was when they were told to put it up and the gym wasn’t kicking them out and wasn’t setting limitations or giving them repercussions. So then the feeling is like, Well, people aren’t doing right by me, if they’re…
0:13:21.5 S2: The social contract is, I’ll take care of you. You’ll take care of me. I will act in community, but the thing is not everyone signed up for that contract and not everyone feels that that contract was honored for them from a long time ago, many people who aren’t honoring the “social contract”, feel like their social contract wasn’t honored years ago, or maybe from the time they were born, and so we really have to look at these contracts that we believe exists and see, Do they actually exist, what is the basis for me believing that they exist and where do I need to rethink that? Because when it comes to specifically what we talk about here are making space for Magic, the key to making space for magic is trust, it’s trust in the divine, and sometimes it’s trust in the goodness of other people, and it’s really hard to have trust when we feel when we believe that that trust has been violated, but when we have concluded that the trust is violated because a contract only we bought into was violated, we have to start to peel back the layers on that and see what made us think that that contract existed.
0:14:41.4 S2: Why did we make that contract so in the case of my mom, I made that contract because I couldn’t conceive of a world without her, and so I made up the rules that made me believe that her leaving wasn’t possible? That’s why I did that. And it took me a few years to understand that I had done that. It took me a few years to really start to get underneath why I felt so let down by my mother crossing it isn’t an easy process, and it takes a tremendous amount of courage to look at the truth of a situation, but when you do look at it, when you start to peel back the layers on it, what you can find is tremendous freedom, because then you can start to see other places where you’ve made contracts… This is a sort of funny, I… I’ll probably resonate with a lot of people that have kids in schools, I had… A couple of years ago, I had made a contract unconsciously that I would show up in the school, do events, do different things, I would take on the burden of maybe running an event, and what I expected in return was appreciation.
0:16:05.1 S2: And it was interesting ’cause it was right where the year my dad had passed, so he had passed in March, and I was running… I was sharing actually two events at my kids’ school, and one of them was the eighth grade moving up ceremony, which I’m going through with my daughter right now, although it looks very different, someone actually screamed in my face to the point like spit was on my face because of how she was screaming, there was an issue with the ceremony at the time where the school district, because those space we were having in, there were only two tickets per child, and for parents who had… Who were not living in the same house? Because of divorce or separation, the rule was that the two tickets went to the two custodial parents, and so you might have a situation where a step-parent is far more involved in the child’s life than one of the custodial parents, but the rules were… The rules, I had no way to change them, my heart went out to so many families over it, but I had no control over it, and there she was screaming at me, How dare I not give her the second ticket when it needed to go to her ex-husband, and she was dealing with her own stuff in that time, but much as I understood that as much as I can have compassion for people, usually it devastated me.
0:17:35.1 S2: I wrapped up giving out the tickets with my co-volunteer and I had gone into the back room and the principal found me, and he found me crying, and he had never seen me like that, and I’d been doing stuff in the school for years, and he was like, What is wrong? And I told me, he’s like, Patty, come on. You know these people, and I’m like, I know, but I think it was a combination of just still being so deep in grief… Right. And thinking, feeling, even though it’s not reasonable at the world to know that you’re in pain, right, and then just… They should know how much work you’ve put in and all of this, but those were all choices I need, and that woman that showed up, she didn’t make any contract with me, she didn’t agree to appreciate my effort, and that was on me, and I had to figure my way through in the way I’m showing up this year actually looks very different, and it’s based on the awareness of what is right for me without putting contracts in place that I expect other people to uphold as you are walking through your day today or this week, I’d love for you to consider just where maybe an unconscious contract has been made, I think some of the most obvious places to look are people in your life and your immediate life that are really bothering you and you’re feeling like, How dare they not fill in the blank, because I am already fill in the blank.
0:19:12.3 S2: So it might be your spouse, it might be your kids, it might be a parent, it might be a friend, somewhere where you’re just… You’re going above and beyond, and maybe you’re not appreciated or people are just aren’t showing up the way you feel you’re showing up, and if you start to unpack that unconditional, that unconscious or unspoken contract, you may find, if you can release yourself from that contract, that a world of possibility of what you can do to create freedom for yourself and ease for yourself opens up, I hope that that gives you something that maybe creates a little bit of space for magic in your own life. Just know, I’m sending you love, and hey, if you wanna continue the conversation on this topic, please join us in the space for magic Facebook group, it’s completely free. You can join us at facebook.com/groups/spaceformagic. I’m always happy to talk further about this topic, it’s one of maybe… Have a great day.
0:20:13.0 S1: Hey, thanks for listening. If you know someone who needs to hear this message, please share this episode with them, and if you’re feeling really generous, I’d love for you to leave us a review at your favorite podcast app, it helps us reach many more people and it fills my heart with so much joy when I hear what you have to say about what I’ve shared. I’m cheering for your success, have an amazing day, and don’t forget. Always create space for magic.
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