By MomGAL Expert, Lin Eleoff
I am struggling. To understand.
A woman, on whom I was counting to launch my brand spankin’ new website, has left me in the ditch.
I did not see this coming. I allowed myself to trust someone. Upfront. Paid her upfront. Believed everything she told me.
Believed everything a colleague told me about her.
How could this happen? To me? Little Miss Extra-Cautious.
And yet, I know this is exactly what is supposed to happen. How do I know this?
Because it’s happening. To me.
And because… well… sh!t happens. Apparently.
Still, everything that happens to us is supposed to happen, exactly the way it did. Everything. Crazy huh?
The problem isn’t that sh!t happens; the problem is thinking that it shouldn’t. When we argue with reality, we lose, but only 100% of the time, according to Byron Katie, founder of The Work.
I call these AFGO moments. An AFGO is just Another Freaking Growth Opportunity.
Carpé AFGO! That’s my motto. Because when you seize the AFGO, you grow up a little.
For example, my website issue could be viewed in two ways:
1. Bad sh!t always happens to me!!
2. That woman should just do what I want her to do, dammit!
3. I wonder what I’m supposed to get out of this?
Okay, that was three things.
The first one won’t get me (or you) anywhere. Ever! It’s a ‘willing victim’ statement. It hands over my power to some unknown entity that is ‘out to get me.’ If I stay stuck in that mindset, I am doomed. To misery. Because there is no way out. Victims, by nature, have no power. Taking the position of willing victim is a way of saying “I don’t have to take responsibility for my part in this.”
Option two is equally disastrous. The land of Shoulds is a wasteland. It lies just west of Shouldn’ts. You should stay away. When we go to Shoulds we get lost. It’s like trying to direct traffic at an intersection of five-hundred roads. Who’s to say who should go first?
The third option is the only option that will bring me any relief because it offers me a way out. I can think my way out of feeling lousy.
Thought: Damn! Bad sh!t keeps happening to me and it shouldn’t.
Feeling: Crappy as hell. Angry.
Actions: Sit around and mope and complain and take it out on the ones I love.
Result: No one is happy in the house because I’m giving off such a bad vibe.
Notice how the result proves the thought. The result is crappy, which just proves that bad sh!t keeps happening to me.
The thing is, I create the result by choosing the thoughts I think!!
New thought: I wonder what this is here to teach me.
New feeling: Curiosity.
New action: Look at the situation and try to figure out how I got myself into this mess.
New result: I learn that I didn’t listen to my gut when I decided to hire this woman.
Good to know, right?
Now notice how the new result, taking responsibility for my part, actually teaches me something about myself, which proves the new thought that there is something to learn in all of this.
Ahhhhhhh… relief! So much better than feeling angry and crappy, don’t you think?
The lesson in all of this is: You are in control of the way you feel, each and every moment, of each and every day.
Improve the way you think and you will change the way you feel.
It really is that simple.
Of course, this takes practice, and a good coach can guide you through the process. Because the thinker doesn’t always spot the thoughts that are causing the miserable feelings which lead to an undesirable result. We often tend to blame something else we believe to be out of our control. That is not the case.
How you choose to think about anything is always in your control.
And that, too, is good to know.
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