“She was grateful life could be long.”
This line jumped out at me like a lightning bolt to my heart. I’m reading The Chaperone by Laura Moriarity. I picked the book up by mistake, thinking it was a Liane Moriarity book – one of my favorite authors. This little mistake has given me a beautiful gift.
If you love books like I do you understand the joy in finding a book that can take you on a journey – to a time and place and also to a space within yourself you didn’t understand as well before you read the book as after.
The protagonist starts off as an uptight morality-preaching marm in the 1920s. By the end of the story, she has redefined true morality for herself and had her heart broken open through some tough circumstances.
It is in a moment of true grace and love that she realizes she is “grateful life could be long.”
After my mom died 7 years ago I wanted desperately to not be alive. I didn’t want to kill myself. It wasn’t that. I just wanted for there to no longer be a me, or at least a me experiencing this human condition.
Each day I pulled myself out of my bed for my kids but if those two small people had not existed I’m not sure when I would have left my bed again.
What was worse was that my psychic powers were growing at ridiculous rates and it had been made clear to me that I would live a long life. A very very long life. At the time that seemed like a terrible punishment.
Within a couple of months, I resigned myself to live this life as fully as possible… even if it would be a lesser existence. I believed completely that I would never feel true happiness again and I forgave God, my mother and life in general for that.
A few weeks later, one bright August day, I sat at a local waterside restaurant with my husband, kids, dad and cousins. We were telling stories about my mom and mixed in there was laughter. I had learned to fill the gap in my own happiness with a form of joy that came with watching the people I love, especially my children, experience happiness. The day was really nice.
As we were leaving the parking lot of the restaurant something truly miraculous happened.
Before I tell you what it was I want you to understand that I have had angels appear before me to comfort me and watched them do it for my clients. I watched my own mother’s mother (aka grandma) come to take my mom across the veil. I have birthed two children.
The miraculous has made itself known many times over in my life but this moment was something altogether different.
As we pulled out of the parking lot I noticed a feeling inside of me. I was so confused by its presence I didn’t actually understand what it was at first.
Then it dawned on me.
I was happy.
I wasn’t just happy because the people I loved were happy. I was happy for me.
To believe that the set point of your life is fixed and cannot improve is a pretty normal occurrence for most beings. Maybe its love, happiness, money, success … whatever. Somewhere along the way you have probably thought “I just can’t have more than this.”
For that limitation to be lifted is one of the greatest miracles of all. It is the act of Divine Grace. And my observation is that it is one of those things that requires patience and time.
So here is why I am telling you this story and sharing the wisdom of this book’s protagonist…
If you have ever felt you were “too old” or felt time “slipping away” I want to offer you a new perspective. The time that has passed may be exactly what the Divine has needed to put Her Grace to full use in your life.
For today my wish for you is that you can find gratitude that “life can be long.”
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