I’m in the process of doing a cleanse.
It is the same one I did back in March.
In 9 days I lost 14 lbs. (I only gained back 4 lbs and that was over 3 months.) All in all it was successful.
So although I wasn’t “pumped” to start another cleanse (this one is pretty intense) I was looking forward to the results enough to start it.
Now let me just say that both in March and again right now, I did not do the cleanse to lose weight. Weight loss is the carrot I need to do the hard work. The real reason for the cleanse was (and is) to loosen my attachment to comfort, to give my body a rest and to clear out energetic and emotional gunk that builds up in the cells when you are human.
I am an emotional eater so when I can’t rely on food I have to deal with my bullsh*t. And that is a good thing because what we don’t deal with gets in our way.
But I noticed there is something dramatically different this time then the last time I did the cleanse. This time I was ready to “give up” pretty quickly.
Yesterday (day 3) is the hardest in any cleanse. I know this. I should be prepared for it. But I was overwhelmed with how freakin strong my brain was telling me that I wanted….no, NEEDED…. pizza. (I don’t even eat pizza anymore because stupid gluten allergy.)
I was on the elliptical and all I could think was “pizza.”
I was taking a bath and all I could think was “pizza.”
I sat down to write some copy but all that I could think about was “pizza.”
Pizza. Pizza. Pizza.
It started to permeate my reality.
My husband happened to be working from home. I came into the kitchen and he was heating up … pizza. (Don’t worry. I didn’t hurt him.)
I got on the elliptical this morning and the little bar that runs news stories along the bottom of the screen was talking about how athletes “taking a knee” are being blamed for low pizza sales. (There is so much ridiculous with that, let’s not even go there.)
Luckily I got on the scale this morning before I gave up and found out I’ve already lost 4 lbs. That is plenty reward for me to stay on track.
But I wasn’t ready to ignore my resistance to this cleanse. Clearly my lizard brain was really fired up about me being on this cleanse and sending pizza missiles at me to get me to quit. So what was up?
Well after spending an hour meditating on it I realized this is what is going on…
I am ready to take a leap so big I’ve never needed this much courage. And in order to do that I need to let go of some pretty debilitating beliefs. And in order to do that I’ve got to sit with those beliefs. I got to hear them screaming at me and not silence them with food (or wine.)
And my lizard brain wants me to stay safe and small and stuff those limiting beliefs back down with … pizza!
Arghhhh this is so hard. The bigger the leap, the stronger the lizard brain.
But lizard brain will not win. I’m going to finish this cleanse. And I’m so grateful that I’m losing weight because I know I’m probably going to have to dodge about 1 million more pizza missiles before this cleanse is over and that weight loss is going to give me the stick-to-itiveness I need to finish.
So what is the moral of this story?
Don’t get scared when your lizard brain is making you want to quit something you know is good for you. Face whatever pizza missiles it throws at you. But make sure you have a built in reward system that will get you through the really challenging places. There is nothing wrong with needing some help as you walk through your own dark spaces.