I found early on that as a mother, I tended to focus on what I was doing wrong rather than what I was doing right. I was pretty miserable.
I’m getting better. I aspire to be like my friend Lin Eleoff, The Worst Mother. Lin strives to get it right 75% of the time and usually finds she is doing much better than her 75% target. She is brilliant at reaching for her desired outcome. She doesn’t try to avoid getting it wrong sometimes. Lin doesn’t measure success that way. She is clear about what she does want – getting in right 75% of the time.
This focus is so important. When you focus on what is already working in your life, you get more of it. (This works in reverse, as well.) So when Lin focuses on how much she is doing right she naturally gets more “right.” She also leaves plenty of space to be imperfect. She acknowledges and loves exactly who she is as a mother. (She is a self-care goddess.) It is this stealth self-acceptance that is key to a happy life.
Loving exactly who you are and also paying attention to what you are doing right is a happiness formula that can be applied to any relationship– to your spouse, employer, friend or parent.
If you find yourself trying to be something you are not and beating yourself up for not being “good enough” or not being “perfect” you are probably seeing plenty of information to support that perspective. When you focus on what you are doing well in any relationship, the reverse occurs and suddenly it starts to become really obvious how great you truly are.
The way we treat ourselves affects the way others treat us. If you focus on how fabulous you are then others will as well. And in the process you inform the Universe “I would like to see more evidence of everything I am doing right in the world please!”
When you focus on what you are doing right and accept exactly who you are, you feel better about yourself, others treat you better and the examples of your greatness in the world find their way to your doorstep.
So when you are seeking out happy try out this formula. Focus + Acceptance = Happy. I promise – it works!