A few months ago my sister and I took a retreat to Sedona, AZ. There is a beautiful place called Buddha Beach filled with hundreds of rock cairns (tiny piles of rocks.)
We read that it was a tradition for visitors to create their own rock cairn when they visit the beach. My sister easily piled three smooth fat stones and smiled. We walked on.
I squatted down to put my own pile together. Carefully I chose interesting shaped rocks with varying sizes. Each time I tried to assemble the cairn it would topple over. The rocks were chunky and not easily pile-able.
Over and over again I attempted to pile these not-made-for-piling rocks without success.
My sister laughed “If a psychologist was watching you right now they’d certainly learn a lot. Why are you making it so hard on yourself?”
Why was I? I hadn’t realized it but somewhere deep down in the darkest parts of my psyche I felt it would be spiritually “advanced” to pile these more challenging stones than the nice fat smooth ones my sister chose.
With that single realization the underbelly of my psyche shifted. Although no one event came into my mind clearly I could feel the deck on my memories being reshuffled. There were so many places where I had asked “Why is this happening to me?” when I should have asked “Why am I making this harder than it has to be?”
Since that day memories of times of struggle have popped into my head. Without understanding how the entire geography of my brain was re-arranged I see clearly now how hard I make life on myself sometimes.
This blog is one of them. I know I’m not conveying the total power of this profound experience but I can’t quite get the words. In the past I would have sat here writing and re-writing it. But my children are waiting to go play and I’d like to play with them.
This does not need to be hard. I’m choosing “done” over “perfect.”
What about you? Do you make it harder on yourself than it has to be? Tell us your story in the comments below. I’d love to hear from you!