We’ve been clearing out closets this week and in that process, the photo proofs from my wedding 10 years ago ended up in my lap.
It was an answer to a prayer really. A prayer I’ve whispered each day and night for almost 2 months.
Please, please help me feel supported. Please let me see love. Please open my eyes to what is here that is good and amazing and joyful.
It is the silent prayer of grief. It is the prayer that what is lost can be replaced.
Do you feel alone? Lost? Unsupported?
I get you. I really, really do.
And here is the amazing story my wedding proofs told me. I think it can help you too.
Long ago when I poured over those proofs picking just the right pictures for my wedding album, my focus was on me (and occasionally my hubs). Now as I looked at them I didn’t care so much about me.
I was looking for my mom. Moments I may have missed that she was a part of. A dance. A look. An expression.
What I found was so much more. In each picture was the story of people who loved me (and my husband). And now with 10 years hindsight, I treasure those people more.
They’ve shown up in many, many ways since that day. Most especially now. When I lost my mom, they were there. Vacations were moved, flights and long drives were made, food was cooked, tissues were offered, chocolate was mailed, wine was poured and most importantly – support was there.
As I look at these pictures, I realize something. I am supported. That part of my life that is so much in focus right now – the loss of my mom – feels big. But if I can just move my focus a little to the left or the right I can suddenly find a level of support that is even bigger.
I know you may be feeling your own loss of support right now. Perhaps your child is sick, your boss is an idiot, your partner isn’t showing up the way you want him to or you are going through a divorce.
You may have lost your mom or your dad or your partner or worse.
Things may feel really, really hard right now.
Can you shift your focus just a bit? Can you search the edges of the picture of your life and find the stories of love and support buried there?