Self-Forgiveness is in the HOUSE!

Astrologically speaking some pretty big openings happened on Tuesday.

We had a new moon at the same time as a solar eclipse in Pisces. I don’t know enough to explain in detail what that means, but at a high level I can tell you what was going on.

Space was made to create something new.  An opening for self-forgiveness and renewal appeared.

That sounds pretty special right? It can be.

But most of the time something intensely crappy happens to facilitate that self-forgiveness.

And the crappy thing happens so that we can truly see what the crazy expectations we have for ourselves that leave us with that nagging feeling that we are in some way “not enough.”

In my case I have long held a belief that it is my job to save everyone I love.  (As you can see this is a ridiculous, irrational expectation.)

I have tried to talk myself out of this belief hundreds of times.  I have worked through it in therapy after my mother died (because I couldn’t save her.)   My shaman has cleared layer of energetic junk I’ve collected in support of this one erroneous expectation.

I’ve made progress but its always held some power over me.

And then Tuesday came.  And Tuesday brought a mini-crisis that flattened me.   Someone I love needed help.  They needed to be “fixed” and I couldn’t fix them.  They were in pain but what they needed to stop the pain could not come from me.

As an outsider it is easy to say I need to accept that I can’t fix this person but my insides don’t agree.  Something inside me screams “You should be able to fix this person you love!”

On Tuesday the pain around this conflict grew and grew and grew until something popped and suddenly I accepted the truth of this situation –

“I cannot fix this.”

A great sadness washed over me as I faced the truth that even though I wanted to fix this person, I could not.  And if I kept trying I’d probably block the opportunity for that person to get the help they need.

In that moment I was able to forgive myself.  I forgave myself because if I didn’t I’d keep trying to fix this person and then they wouldn’t get the help they needed.  I did not un-believe the thought that I should be able to fix the people I love.  But I was able to accept and love myself despite my irrational failings.

Tuesday was a super painful, but it was also incredibly beautiful and cathartic.  I reached a new level of self-forgiveness that maybe I “shouldn’t” need but I did.

If you faced a big fat speed bump in your life or business on Tuesday (or really any freakin day) just know that it happened for a reason.  Your reason may not have looked like mine but I can assure the pain that the Universe serves up is never to screw with us.  It’s always to help us get better.

And if by chance you killed it on Tuesday, you totally rocked your world in ways you’ve never done before well then raise your glass because, my love, you have figured out how to ride the magical waves of the Universe in ways many never do.

In love and light,
Patty